If you can relate to anything on this blog, try to learn from it. Repeat to yourself ‘jealousy is a wasted emotion’ and do it everytime the feeling arises. The feeling will pass ❤ Let yourself be happy ☺
I read a blog recently about a mother who had her autistic son at softplay with parents of kids with non autistic kids all about how it made her so sad, as all she did was make comparisons.
Hands on heart I did the same but it was wrong.
I want you to think of a time in your life when jealousy added any value to your life? Your friend with the big house who ended up with the messy divorce?
That ex boyfriend who you loved for years who is now in jail? That mother you thought was trendy and cool, but had a secret drinking problem?
Jealousy is a horrible emotion based on half stories and a world that rarely exists. Most of it we know is irrational and has no benefit but it consumes us, tearing up our happiness.
So why do we allow those emotions to overtake us when our kid has a disability?
Simple answer society permits it.
For anyone who feels like this, I want you to explore these emotions. Your kid is playing happily at the park and you see 2 other kids playing. Their speech is perfect and conversation flows. Why are you jealous? What is your reason? Is your kid staring at then heartbroken wishing she was them? Probably not. She’s in the park, her favourite place doing the activity that she enjoys. Its not wrong. Who says she should be playing with those kids?
Are you jealous of their speech. Why? Does your kid look at them with tears streaming down his face? No? So why the lump in the throat? Remember the fun him and his speech therapist had? The giggles from the room? Was your kid crying as he had to have therapy? If so, find another one. Why are you sad? Your child isn’t.
I am fortunate enough to know many autistic adults. Do they spend their whole entire adulthood complaining about the stuff that they couldn’t do as a child because they are autistic? I haven’t found one yet. Have I found many autistic adults heartbroken reading blogs from mothers who constantly compare her child to others, many. Why? Because often that is the perception they got from their own mothers too.
“Tommy is unable to socialise with other kids”, maybe he doesn’t want to?
It took Tommy 10 years to ride a bike, and, hes delighted now he can, and hes now not worried about falling off too much.
If he is sad about these reasons, help him, guide him, support him, tell him hes amazing the way he is, but don’t grieve for yourself, its his childhood not yours. Stop grieving about a child who doesn’t exist. Its a complete waste of emotion, time and energy. Your kid needs you happily sharing memories being the parent that they need you to be.
Remember that jealousy of the ex boyfriend, remember the jealousy of the cool mum, remember the jealousy of ideal marriage with the big fancy house. Was this wasted emotion? Do you wish you had simply enjoyed your new found single life, appreciated your own mother? Cosied up in your little house? Wasted emotion that you regret to this day? Get out there, enjoy your little kid, have fun and make memories. Stop wasting your life on jealousy. Life is short, go make some fun memories ☺