Autism Spectrum Disorder is the name applied to individuals who have a particular neurological difference and myriad related symptoms. At the core neurodiversity; having a wide variety of different ways of thinking, is good for the entire world. Every person born with or without Autism has the potential to enrich his or her community. Alternate perspectives, different intelligences and variations of creativity are amazing gifts.
But lets talk about the dark side; sensory sensitivities, communication issues, social confusion, pain, anxiety, depression, gastro-intestinal problems and a compromised immune symptoms. All of these issues are incredibly common in people with ASD.
People with Autism are often under attack
Let’s look at the two parenting approaches:
- Positive; There is nothing wrong with Autism. This can lead to parents without an emotional outlet and the autistic person is left questioning their lack of success.
- Negative; Autism is a horrific disorder. Parents are left to…
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I have known Fiona O’Leary since July 2014, she is one of the bravest women I know, here I am going to write a full list of almost everything she has worked on as I am sure I will miss a few. She’s amazingly dedicated and a fantastic advocate.
Some of these achievements she worked alone on, others she worked hard with other people doing, and this blog is in no way dismissing anyone who worked with her on this, or also worked for the same cause, but in different ways, it’s all excellent
Fiona first discovered mineral miracle cure (MMS) solution and quickly joined the Facebook group CD Autism, to see the horror of what was going on. Children getting subjected to enemas and forced oral solutions to produce poisoning to the body, all into the drive to find a fake cure for autism
Her researched drove her to:
Discover a dentist recommending MMS
Discovery of a nutritionist recommending MMS who is still under investigation
She immediately contacted the press and got the first article out
The Irish examiner
and appeared on Am Ireland news: Ireland AM cd/MMS
and The Opinion Line cork96fm CD/MMS protocol
She also got the ball rolling on the investigation by RTE Primetime
An Article out in the Sunday Times Bleach sold as cure for autism
she contacted the local senator who was interested
Jillian Van Turnhout state senator released this article
To her horror Fiona found a GP prescribing MMS
Fiona saw that Kerri Rivera was being interviewed by a radio station about her protocol. She immediately phoned and complained, managing to get a wonderful interview in the following day, this is excellent, please listen when you have a free hour
Fiona and her husband are talented musicians and wrote a song :
Cd Protocol song Don’t Start the CD Protocol
At last RTE Primetime released the documentary ‘The Bleach prescription’, the first in-depth televised investigation of its type. Fiona, with others worked extremely hard on this, and was also featured in it :
This month was the starting point to try to stop Kerri Rivera speaking at Autismone which is a yearly Autism Conference. She helped create this petition:
Fiona has never been scared of speaking to people wrapped in conspiracy type thinking. Her first interview was here, it was very challenging for her
Open your mind radio
Open you Mind Radio unfortunately a few days later Fiona was badly bullied by a few of the people who interviewed her here
February 2015 was also the first time Fiona revealed to us all the dangerous blood product GcMaf. It was also on Rivera’s protocol, once your child is almost “cured”. The blood product was unlicensed, later to be found included bovine blood, no guarantee of where the blood came from, and made in conditions which were not sterile. Also it was extremely expensive, with no guarantee any of it works. The lab was in Guernsey and Fiona assisted exposing it Drug banned in Guernsey
Fiona was featured in this excellent article out in the USA
Fiona helped with this article
GCMAF was exposed on ‘The One Show’ GCMAF part 1
Dr Finbar was starting to be investigated by General Medical council
More MMS exposure in Ireland here:
Fiona and some of her colleagues heard about a story in Arkansas USA. 7 children had been removed by the authorities from their parents. There was a lot more involved story, but MMS was one aspect. She used this opportunity to educate the public about the dangers of MMS .
There was lots of other media in Arkansas too
Fiona did everything in her power to try to stop Kerri Rivera speaking at The Autismone Conference in Chicago. She got in the media, pleaded with the hotel management, and contacted the attorney general. Others were also doing the same. Unfortunately Rivera still spoke. However this all happened:
A fantastic Protest took place
And good news came Kerri Rivera is now not allowed to speak in Illinois ever again about her protocol
Co incidentally this month we heard that the MMS seller Daniel Smith was arrested
Fiona helped Catherine Hall from the NAS educate against GCMAF for Autism
Fiona helped expose Leonardo Edwards on the BBC here:
She was on the Victoria Derbyshire show which was highlighted in
Southern Star Cork West Cork anti MMS autism cure campaigner on BBC
Genesis 2 church raid in Farnham by trading standards
MHRA aand HPRA investigating MMS and GCMAF
Fiona was interviewed by Richie Allen The Richie Allen Show
Fiona was informed about a house posing as a Bulgaria hospital It was a tragic story about relatives sending their dying relatives to this “hospital” at a very high price to try and find a ‘miracle cure’, the person in charge was an Amanda Mary Jewell who calls herself a cancer specialist, yet appears to have no medical training. Her treatments consisted of MMS and GCMAF. This story haunts me of the denial these patients must have had to receive proper palliative care, instead poked and prodded with useless injections and intrusive MMS enemas. Obviously the patients died. Fiona has written a lot about this Amanda Jewells in her Tumbler account, and continues to fight for her to get correctly punished for her reckless, dangerous behaviour.
Fiona discovered another charlatan coming to Ireland. He claimed that he had cures for so many illnesses. Filled with giving audiences false hope and lies, Fiona knew she has to deal with it, she managed to get into his seminar and challenged him
Here is the story http://www.irishexaminer.com/ireland/authors-anti-cancer-remedies-are-illegal-355103.html this resulted in him cancelling his tour of Australia
The People’s debate Vincent Browne debates show about lack of Autistic Rights in Ireland and dangerous products
Fiona helped expose the GCMAF scam here
More exposure of another MMS seminar in Ireland
First South Africa exposure
Dr Finbar was suspended for writing MMS prescriptions
Fiona appeared on Irish TV again The Today Show
Fiona started investigating and working with journalists to expose the huge MMS issues in Serbia and Croatia
This month a lady from France reached out to her. Her son was kept in an institution in France where Autistic people are treated as mentally ill. They have torturous treatment such as packing therapy, and this lady didn’t want her son to have this inflicted on him. Fiona and her lovely family helped move the family over the Ireland. It was a very difficult month and over Christmas the poor lady was in jail while her son was living with the O’Learys. The family has now been granted approval to live in Ireland.
Fiona started a ‘Call for Action’ video campaign : Call For Action
David Noakes GCMAF business was raided
There was local elections happening in Ireland soon and many people had suggested to her that she stands for council. Thinking it would be a good opportunity for politicians to know about our campaign and also educate the constituents, she decided to run for council. Being a woman with Aspergers she found this very challenging. She especially loved speaking to the young people and the travelling community and trying to get their views across.
As expected Fiona didn’t win this election, but it gave her the connections and it was a great promotion of the work we are all fighting against
She helped with others to pull a fake go fund me website down
ABC 7 exposes USA eye witness news
Helped with this article:
Fiona and her family are big animal lovers. They all protested against , and got press out about the cruelty of using animals at a circus
After months in the working Fiona and colleagues in South Africa saw the release of the documentary “Special Assignment” being made unfortunately this seemed to promote even the most abusive of “cure” methods
In March 2016 Fiona was contacted by a concerned parent who was worried about someone promoting unregulated, dangerous treatments at his kids local school. Fiona discovered that the person coming to promote these treatments was a man called Dietrich Klinghard who was friends with one of the teachers. Dietrich Klinghardt believes that Microwaves, Cell Phones, Light Bulbs and even Baby Formula cause Autism.
He had strong connections with both MMS and Gcmaf, The teacher in question left the school and the planned workshop was cancelled. This was due to the hard work of Fiona and others
The last Reformation – Fiona and others discovered a dangerous cult were coming to Ireland and exposed them
She also helped expose the Cult in their home country of Denmark
She also helped expose an Extremist Catholic Cult
Exposure on FM radio and opinion line
Cork FM quack cures
She was interviewed here about Autistic rights Fiona O’Leary on Phoenix Fm Radio 28th April 2016
She helped with Portugal exposure of Leonardo Edwards Parents put baby bleach product before their baby
Many people from South Africa and Fiona were still determined to expose the MMS protocol as being abusive. At last this month, a better documentary was produced
Any parent now in South Africa implementing the CD protocol on their child will be charged with child abuse
Fiona spoke about Autistic rights here A Conversation With Ireland’s Autistic Rights Activist Fiona O’Leary! – The LanceScurv Show
This month was over first discovery of the terrible fictional documentary being released by the Tribeca film festival called ‘Vaxxed’ Even more upsetting was the fact Robert Deniro was endorsing it. Luckily after speaking to the science community he changed his mind and withdrew his support
Fiona O’Leary did a lot of campaigning against the movie Vaxxed, like many critics. However Cinema Libre decided to then try to threaten Fiona with a lawyer’s letter. Shown here:
Fiona received overwhelming support here from the science community which was excellent, these included articles written by Skeptical raptor Skeptical Raptor link
Forbes and a great podcast interview with Dan Broadbent who owns the big science page -A science Enthusiast – on fb
She was also interviewed here The Skeptic zone
Fiona has been well aware of the huge problem the old Yugoslavian countries have had with MMS. Croatia has its own version of Kerri Rivera and unfortunately the protocol is rife there. This is a brilliant article Fiona got released in Croatia
Fiona goes on the Opinion Line addressing the anti vaxx harrassment she has received and the issues of a local charity called Regret
Fiona speaks on the local radio about the nutricianist who once recommended MMS to herself, and the continued frustration that this lady is still appearing at an upcoming Autism Seminar Concerns over chemical treatments used for autistic children Red FM
Fiona is still working tirelessly to try and get laws changed regarding MMS/GCMAF and various other Autism “Cures”. A lot of her work involves trying to get more Autism Organisations to support the cause and also push Governments for Legislation
As you will have guessed, this blog is still a work in progress, please keep coming back to see updates thanks x
Fiona’s Organisation : Autistic Rights Together
Believe it or not, I will not have added everything here, her drive to stop the abuse and help autistic children she has never met isn’t just a passion of hers, its a neccessity. She works tirelessly, her only drive being to help kids. She has been slandered, insulted, bullied tremendously, mostly by the anti vaxx community who are renouned for this behaviour, but also by people who have had their fraudulent businesses threatened. I have so much more to add, and will do when I remember. Fiona you are changing the world, and along with your best buddy Emma Dalmayne (who I plan to do a blog on next), Autistic children worldwide will gain a happier, safe future xxx
I would like to dedicate this blog to Rebecca Ferguson who sadly died this year. She was an amazing autism advocate and helped arrange the last two Autisome Protests. Rest in Peace Rebecca xxx
Christmas holidays went far too fast. I am worried sick, my bully was pulled up before the holidays, after years of ridicule and eventually they believed me. This will be my first day back after the holidays. Maths is first, I can cope with that, but my bully is in my English class. My stomach is churning even more than usual, but I must go to school. Exams are soon and my dream is to be a maths teacher. I excel at maths.
Maths class went OK and now I am heading to English. My friend is still on holiday so I have to sit by myself. My bully stares at me. Where is the teacher, I think, why is she not in yet?
My bully approaches the front of the class “The reality of Autism” she announces with a print out in her hands. “Written by Catherine McDonald. I am in shock, I stick my head firmly on my desk, not looking at anyone. What on earth has she seen, what the hell has my mother written?
” Autism has caused my divorce” the first paragraph, what? I think my dad said their divorce had nothing to do with that, my dad lied. , “Sophie still isn’t toilet trained and she is 5″, this created a huge uprow of laughter from all the kids in the class. It was deafening. My bully puts the article down and marches to my desk ” you used to smear shit didn’t you, all over your room, so you still do that? “. Another child shouted “what a retard”. Your poor mum went through all this crap due to you, my bully shouted, you are scum, you should never have been born “. The bully put the print out on my desk. She had printed the comments too, people thanking my mum for being brave, being honest, telling it like it is, wondering how she did it all. This was enough I jumped up, and ran, I pushed my teacher over running out of the room. I knew exactly where I was going. This was too much.
As I had predicted, the run to the bridge took 8 minutes 26 seconds. I allowed myself 120 seconds to try and solve my predicament. As previously calculated it took 10.12 seconds for me to jump and my head to smash off a rock below. This was my final calculation.
As you will have guessed this is a fictional character, but unfortunately may well be a real one.
The one place a child should be safe to be themselves is at home.
Critics would say we need awareness. People need to understand the struggles families go through. Parents need to be able to relate to each other, I get it,I really do. Its therapeutic to write your issues down. Its rewarding to get positive feedback. Its reassuring to read something that is similar to your own life. I honestly understand. That is why private and closed groups on social media are good. You can share, you can learn, you can get great ideas
Your kids grow up , that non verbal little tot who seems difficult to connect with may achieve a fully independent, competent, life, in fact whether they do or not, it is not just your story to share, it is theirs too. Its simply not your business to be sharing this with the world.
So how can we get our stories out without being 100% honest about who we are? Use a different name, call your kid “squiggle”, use stock photos. Just respect their privacy.
One thing I would like to also say though is please keep an eye in your mental health. Yes writing down things may seem therapeutic, but publishing your articles in magazines, press etc is not a long term solution. Many publishers would be only too happy to accept your articles. Often the more negative and depressing the article, the more positive feedback it can get. People love a tragic story. Just remember these articles stay online forever. Look after yourself
An article like this can be a weapon for bullies, put off a future love interest, dismiss a college application, ruin a job opportunity. These people won’t have the knowledge you do about your child, but will have the ability to do a google search. Don’t ruin your child’s life by prioritising the need to vent about your own.
For parents who still believe the MMR vaccination is responsible for causing their child’s autism
I watched you in CD Autism. I watched with horror after day after day you took a photo of what you called “parasites” being extracted from your child’s bowels. You were loved, encouraged, perhaps Rivera’s favourite prodigy. Positive likes and comments filled the group. However I rarely saw any posts about how well your daughter was doing, or any progress made. I left the group a while back, on the understanding enough people in there had the sense to report what you were doing to a child protection agency. I am in the UK so couldn’t do much.
The next time I set eyes on your profile, was in another group over a year later. You have changed your surname, but your photo still remains. One I will never forget. I looked at your profile and was shocked to discover more you are doing
Chlorine dioxide didn’t work, neither did GCMaF, I hear, but now you are raising money for a stem cell treatment
This doesn’t work either
But I guess it is pointless giving you Science links when you don’t listen to warnings about MMS
With that I really want to sit you down and have a chat.
Your daughter has a diagnosis of severe Autism. Life is tough, I understand that. It isn’t your fault, it isn’t her fault. It isn’t the vaccinations, it is no ones fault. Some people have kids with disabilities and that is just life. Your daughter is 12 now. You seem to have spent so many years blaming things for the way she is, rather than facing reality. She may never be able to live independently, she may have to go into a group home as an adult. There is absolutely nothing you can do to prevent that happening if she is not capable. It doesn’t matter whether you have millions, or no money, there are no secret potions or treatments which can stop this. It is time for you to join reality.
I know life will be hard for you, perhaps monotonous, she might be your full time job for the rest of your life. Its probably not the life you picked, but just look at her, she’s worth it isn’t she. I know her behaviour is probably challenging, there will be things you don’t understand, but its no parasites, its a different neurology to yours. One you can learn all about. Fighting it, simply doesn’t work.
You say in your ‘go fund me’ that she is very bright. This is awesome. This means she can learn different communication methods if she hasn’t already. Have you ever looked up “Carly Fleishman” your daughter could be just like her.
I know many autistic adults diagnosed as severe as a child. Many communicate from different means, some didn’t speak till their teenage years, some still don’t speak, some even managed to live independently, with only a bit of help when needed. No “Autism Treatments got them to this stage .
It will be a long road for you to reach autism acceptance, but please do try, for your daughters sake, she deserves to be proud of who she is.
You are in a big group with many autistic adults, trying to make a difference. Get tips from them, learn how to help your daughter. Its a long road. There is no short cut, but you can do it, because deep down, all autistics ever want is to be accepted as who they are.
I will leave you with some great links and blogs written by and about adults with severe autism.
Autism isn’t a fight that you will win. Try learning from others about the reasons for her behaviours and it will help
We can all remember difficult times in our childhood. Struggles that often make a huge impact on us even as adults, some make us stronger, some leave permanent scars, but most do both.
Now imagine growing up not allowed to be yourself. Being seen as a burden, strange, “not right in the head”, the things you enjoy being restricted, the things that stabilise your happiness and wellbeing being removed from you. Many of us have vague memories of this happening, but to many autistic adults this was a daily struggle. The embarrassed mothers, the teachers who branded them as naughty or lazy, the therapists who tried to ” normalise ” these kids. Autism awareness was rare, acceptance decades away. All help given was on the understanding that the child needs to be as “normal” as possible.
Luckily nowadays parents, teachers and therapists are gradually learning that this method is unacceptable. Without the “Wakefield effect” slowing this process down, due to unscrupulous pseudoscience salesmen, I believe we would be gaining a lot of ground.
Now I want to mention a group of people I know who suffered the above. In my eyes they are awesome, not because I want to spew some ableist shit about surviving disabilities. Or some pity party blog about how life as been so hard. They don’t want that. What they want, what they crave is for no other kids to go through all the shit that got thrown at them as kids. They want the children’s parents to understand their kids more, be proud of them, and not spew ableist nonsense about them.
There are many autistic adults on Facebook doing just this. If you have an autistic kid, make friends with them, learn from them, just like everyone else some will stay friends, others you will have disagreements with, some you will unfriend, (as humans we can’t all get on) but most will be only too happy to teach you their experiences of sensory issues, social differences, meltdowns and everything else that comes with being autistic. In my opinion, the advice you will get from them will be priceless. In exchange, treat them with the respect and friendship they deserve.
For some autistic adults though, the dedication goes further. An amazing few venture into the dark muddy depth of Autism parenting groups. The one I am speaking of had an incredible 54k members. You might think, surely parents of autistic kids and autistic adults should have an instant bond, an automatic understanding, but this doesn’t always happen. Some parents express openly their hatred of Autism, their frustration with their children, their wish for a “normal” kid or a “cured” one. This group is also full of pseudoscience salesmen ready to pounce on the vulnerable parents, talking of vaccine damage and cure via many unethical means. These are all difficult and triggering subjects for autistic adults, perhaps bringing back memories of past horror and abuse. Sometimes parents try and justify their kids attending the same therapy sessions as some autistic adults were traumatised by in the form of Lovaas ABA. Autistic adults are often silenced, or shunned, as not quite knowing what they are talking about, as they are autistic.
However we are gradually seeing a change, the hate filled autism posts, the vaccine damaged posts, pseudoscience posts getting debunked, even the language is changing. A small, yet huge in importance, group of dedicated autistic adults determined to make the world a better place for autistic children. Not for fame, not for money, not for graditude, but simply because they are good people and want to help.
Autistic Adults, thank you for all you do, I know how much you guys work at this, and as an autistic Ally I will do all I can to help too.
A lot of attention has been given to the physical side effects we have witnessed and also predicted through this campaign. Personally I don’t think we have addressed the psychological impact much. I think most of us know about it, in our heads, especially autistic adults who know exactly what its like to have heightened sensory issues, and have been brought up to feel very negative about the way they are. But I must share this, even if one parents who doses their child reads this, it will matter.
I have spoken to a number of people over the years who believe vaccinations have caused their child’s autism. Some stay quiet about it in front of their kids, others blatantly tell their kids they are vaccine damaged. Just look at this YouTube video. Cd autism testimonial
Stuart Duncan is the creator of a safe community of autistic teenagers who play Mine Craft online together. He talks to a lot of the kids, some of whom are non verbal and communicate through typing. Please read his heartbreaking blog about a lot of these children who genuinely think they are vaccine damaged The effect that blaming autism on vaccines has on actual autistic children
I am not going to touch on the diet change issues. Many parents see positive results on a GFCF diet and I certainly wouldn’t say it causes much harm. However, the strict CD protocol requires many healthy foods not to be taken around the time of dosing. Autistic children are often very picky eaters, so denying them healthy food is very irresponsible. What long term message are you sending them?
Taste buds. Most people with autistic kids will know fussy eating can be an issue. The main reason for this is sensory issues. Now the MMS/CD I have heard can smell like a swimming pool.
Don’t get me wrong, the parents dosing often do whatever they can to disguise the taste of the vile solution, but for autistic kids with heighten smell and taste buds, I find it highly unlikely most kids would happily drink it without persuasion or bribery.
Enemas, well where do we start? There is no way a child would consent to this easily. I have witnessed parents questioning this in the CD autism group, asking if its really necessary, always an answer of “essential” by Rivera. Now I genuinely feel that no parent must feel comfortable doing this. It goes against your instincts, but the group molds its way into a false belief that this is a perfectly fine thing do.
Enemas are hard on the kids. I witnessed bribery, blackmailing and also forced compliance. When you think about it, some of these children are under 2. It would be hard to explain this to a neurotypical child, never mind an autistic child what on earth you are doing.
But then they have a social story. A social story about having an enema, really?
Now I want you to look at this link. This is a campaign that the NSPCC supports, which teaches children that anything under their underpants is their private area, for them and no one else. I think its an important link to share. Enemas go over that privacy barrier in my opinion Underwear Rule
I once saw a disturbing post about a child begging for an enema during a meltdown. The parents delighted, a sign that the enemas help rid the child of these parasites causing the autism. I mean, come on, have none of these parents ever heard of psychological programming?
The conversations the parents must have with their own children. They are vaccine damaged, riddled with parasites, their autism is evil, a monster, something that needs destroyed. How can these children ever be happy with who they are?
Once we witnessed a video of an admin CD autism explaining that she tells her son that he needs to go through all this if he wants friends and a normal life. This video has now been deleted.
See we can see the screenshots, we can look at the horrific advice and the scars that appear, but as everyone knows emotional scars are far harder to heal than physical ones. If the parents see sense, if there isn’t permanent physical damage or death, there is still memories, which will need tremendous therapy to ease the pain.
This protocol needs stopped IMMEDIATELY
My views are my own, I have no psychology training
**edited September 2016 to add more detail
Emma Dalmayne is autistic and has 6 kids, all she feels are neurologically different.
Emma has the unique ability of being able to explain in amazing detail aspects of her autistic traits, coping mechanisms and how to manage life. This incredible talent, along with her brilliant writing skills has helped countless parents, and therefore their autistic children manage traits and behaviours that aren’t always easy to work out. She can explain meltdowns, sensory issues and social differences in the most helpful way. Thankfully she uses this ability in a large and successful Facebook group, with the help of some brilliant admin, with similar views and values. They vary from parents of autistic children, parents who are autistic themselves and also autistic adults without children. The group is a very safe place for Autistic Adults too who benefit from the group immensely.
Her talent has taken her away from Facebook, where she has had countless publications in many autistic and special needs magazines and articles. She educates people about the wrong assumptions about non verbal Autistic people lacking intelligence, the horrors of the Lovaas ABA therapy, and many techniques and ideas vital for parents and professionals alike.
Emma is a large contributor to the neurodiversity community. She doesn’t believe a cure is ever needed for autism, with understanding and acceptance being the key. She bans the topic from her Facebook group, and also for the autonomy of the member’s children she will never allow a parent to post a recording of their child having a meltdown. Most parents are happy to learn from these rules, and many discover a more positive side to their kid’s diagnosis, which comes with a fresh understanding of behavioural issues and therefore the ability to work through any problems. That has always been the aim and drive for Emma and it works very well
We now await with anticipation for her first published book about being autistic and how to help autistic kids.
Even though Emma has 6 kids, and runs this successful Facebook group, she also devotes her time fighting harmful, unregulated and abusive Autism treatments
From posts she saw posted in her group, she was determined to help in our fight against the CD Protocol. (MMS, aka bleach enemas) Just like Fiona O’Leary, she was not afraid to go public, hound journalists and talk to Authorities. She has made tremendous progress this way, and increased her fight to GCMAF, another Unauthorised treatment, and a few more that she is determined expose and protest against. She has been on TV programs, helped with a BBC news report, been on radio shows and spoken publically at the Autism Show about the dangers of these treatments, especially MMS.
One thing I also admire about Emma, is that, like Fiona, she has also been to ‘the dark side’, not conspiracy theories this time, but more to mothers of children who have administered these dangerous treatments on their children. She, by no means finds this easy, it is very hard, but just like Fiona, her drive is to help the child, and will do anything she can to try and re-educate the parents.
Emma is very determined, passionate and a great friend. Just like Fiona, she will always have her critics, but, always also, doesn’t let that deter her. Please also read my blog about Fiona if you haven’t already Fiona O’Leary – The Truth
Fiona and Emma are good friends, and work very well as a team. Both with the same passion and determination for Autistic rights.
Update Sep 2016
Emma has managed to get a huge amount of press about unregulated treatments, and has also managed to expose many charlatans claiming false cures. Her work continues
This one of her biggest published press releases fake autism cures proved deadly
and her petition has now reach over 51,920 signatures, please sign make Autistic Cures Illegal
Emma’s book is now published It’s an Autism Thing – I’ll help you understand it
and she has written another one too: Susie Spins
She is now also running a play group for Autistic Kids and Teenagers at a local Play Centre
If you haven’t already, please follow their page Fiona and Emma’s page
Of course, I can’t end this blog without promoting Emma’s website Autisticate Dalmayne
If you are interested in joining her facebook support group please ask to join my group Autistic Allies and I will direct you from there, as I can add you, as Emma’s group is secret for the protection of the members
Thank you Emma, for all you do xx
The biggest waste of energy I experienced in life has been wasted worry. The biggest regret I have in parenthood, instead of enjoying. Being a mother is supposed to be fun for both of you, but when one of you is experiencing and enjoying life, while the other is joining in, but worrying, comparing, fearing for the future, and doing so, when your child is perfectly healthy, is it a waste of time, a waste of energy, a waste of precious memories. I didn’t really understand this for a few years, but it’s a message I really want to pass on to parents of kids who have developmental delays.
Comparison is Essential, yet unimportant
For professionals, unfortunately assessments need to be made. In order to address your kid’s delays, unfortunately, they have to follow that dreaded ‘developmental chart’. It can be a very painful read. If for any reason you have to, or decide to avoid other children your kid’s age, the reality can sometimes hit you. Professionals however aren’t judging here, they see it as a positive thing to decipher exactly where to direct your child’s therapy needs. I know it’s a difficult task, but trying to see that development chart as being for that purpose only may make things a bit easier.
Preconceived Ideas, Self Doubt and Other People
How did you imagine your child to be before you had them? Like you? Happier than you? More popular than you? More successful than you? Perhaps that is the circle of life? If your child was planned, perhaps for a long time, that image stays within your mindset? Perhaps if your child with developmental issues is your first child you just don’t get to see that life isn’t really like that. People who mould their kids into the way they want them to be, in my opinion aren’t always the best type of parent. You kid is unique, different, a separate entity to you, that child you planned to have is never the one you get, whether they have delays or not, and thank goodness they aren’t. Don’t spend time romantacising about a child who doesn’t exist. Preconceived ideas are never reality, and how boring life would be if they were.
Self Doubt, well yes, I guess that is a big one, and when your child doesn’t meet those milestones, this can creep under your skin with the constant insecurity that you did something wrong, that you aren’t doing enough, or someone else can do something better. The fact of the matter is that parenthood ain’t got no instruction book. If your child is happy, fed, watered, warm, and feeling loved, the world is their oyster. That basic security in their life is everything. Them not being able to speak yet, or hold a spoon has nothing to do with your parenting skills. As a good parent, of course you can encourage, of course you follow advice, and of course you give them all the opportunity you can to learn, but if they aren’t ready yet, they just aren’t ready, and no one is going to teach them those skills any better than you, so when they are ready, they will show you. Stop giving yourself a hard time, you are doing amazing. Their difficulties are no ones’ fault. Believe in yourself, you may have extra challenges just now, but you can do it, I promise.
Other People – Uggghhh, the younger the child, in my experience, the stronger the judgement. Some people appear to have ‘little people’ lodged in their list of expertise. Why? Because babies are hard, toddlers are challenging and I think most people who get through it give themselves a pat on the back, and very often a know-it-all attitude proceeds. I am trying to think of some good advice about how to cope with ‘other people’, but I can’t really think of much except, ignore them, you know your child better than anyone, its a tough one I know, but you can do it. When playing with your child in a public place, just focus on them, focus on their smile, and the fun they are having, does that other mother from the other side of the playground really have to influence your happiness, no she doesn’t. Hold your head up high, your kid is perfect and so are you
Therapy stress – are you doing enough, are you ever doing enough, are you feeling guilty because you haven’t done enough. Are professionals judging you if you feel enough hasn’t been done? You know what, do what you can. You may only have a few speech therapy lessons, you might have occupational therapy, behavioural therapy, play therapy, you might be inundated. You know what, just fit it what you can. You may be too tired, your kid might not feel like it, there could be a host of reasons, and that’s ok, life goes on, a few missed sessions isn’t going to do much harm, and a good therapist should understand sometimes life has other priorities. Obviously don’t be a lazy git and do nothing, It needs done, but so does play, hugs, McDonalds, and everything else kids love. Fit activities into your daily life, you can do it, have faith.
Life might not be how you planned it, it might be hard seeing your kid struggling, professionals might have tried to give you some insight into the future. Sometimes you might feel low, its all ok. Don’t be a hero though, if you see signs of depression, get anti depressants, thats ok too. The biggest bit of advice I would ever give parents is never, ever, ever, let anyone put limitations on your child. No one can predict the future,
If your kid gets a diagnosis, see it as an opportunity rather than a negative thing. If they are autistic connect with some autistic adults, down syndrome, that community, any other diagnosis, that one. Social media is great for this, and in my experience the most experienced people who can help you understand your kid, are the ones who share their diagnosis.
Remember we only live once, and your kids are only young for a short while, sometimes the things you worry about cannot be answered yet, so don’t focus on them. Instead focus on your wonderful little bundle of love who will teach you so much about life, so in exchange put the worrying to the side, and join in the fun and games. That’s the reason you had your kid in the first place.
Good luck x